Jun
23
2009
Brainland fashion consultancy.
- Me: Were trenchcoats such a cringeworthy fashion statement before Columbine?
- Brainland: Always.
- Me: Really?
- Brainland: They always said "over compensating alpha nerd".
- Brainland: You know, the nerd that tries to insert himself at the nexus of nerd hierarchy. Usually he's tall, with Mountain Dew gut, a high level Palladin and uses absurd affections in speech like "bloody hell."
- Brainland: His name is usually Arthur or Thad.
- [I link to a hot picture of Rihanna in a black trench]
- Brainland: WHOA WHOA WHOA
- Brainland: Trench coats are crazy hot on girls, duh.
- Me: Yeah but on girls they're just "trenches"
- Brainland: Boys can't wear them unless they're vampires, cyberpunk antiheroes, or child molesters.
- Brainland: You are none of these.
- Me: I'm a pea coat guy, you know that. I like the way they say "hipster", but with money.
- Brainland: Really? I think they always say "carries around dogeared copy of Penguin Classics Rimbaud to get girls" or "white supremacist."
- Me: Remember the story I told you about how I used to keep a copy of Rimbaud (in the original French, of course) on me at all times "just in case" and then a beautiful French girl in galoshes patterned like late-twentieth century French impressionism and a bright red raincoat and a soggy mop of beautiful blonde hair approached me in a coffee shop and tried speaking to me in French and then I froze and then her face fell because she could tell I didn't understand her and so she turned around and walked away and now all these years later I still spend my nights sobbing gently and alone beneath the sheets while reading a ragged copy of "À une passante" and thinking of her each time I get to "Ô toi que j'eusse aimée, ô toi qui le savais!"?
- Me: But I'm not a white supremacist.
- Me: Also, I'm blogging this.
- Brainland: You're gay.
