GOP Cries Foul at Dem Dirty Tricks
DES MOINES—Local Republican leadership here in Iowa has joined with party officials nationwide in a chorus of accusations alleging widespread Democratic polling fraud.
GOP leaders all across the country are outraged today at the sight of non-deceased registered Democrats who have never been convicted of a felony arriving at their proper local polling places to cast a single vote.
Reached over the phone from his desk in the Hart Senate Office Building, Sen. John Cornyn (R-TX), chairman of the National Republican Senatorial Committee, called today’s ballot activity “a cut and dry case of foul play.” When asked how the GOP would respond to today’s vote Cornyn assured, “we’re keeping all options on the table.”
“Listen,” he continued, “everyone knows the Republican party is supposed to take control of Congress. And that’s our biggest concern. Democrat [sic] leadership can try all they want to obstruct this outcome, but it’s all just water under the bridge if we win.”
“But if we lose,” he warned, “we’ll pursue every available legal remedy.”
Not everyone in the beltway, however, shares this conspiratorial view of the events unfolding today at the nation’s voting booths.
“We have absolutely no idea what’s going on,” assured Rep. Chris Van Hollen (D-MD), chairman of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee. “We didn’t give our guys a single goddamned reason to go out and vote today. That they’re showing up anyway is hardly a sign of coordination or manipulation.”
“And listen,” he added, “after the 111th Congress these guys should know better than to accuse Democrats of being coordinated.”
