Matt Langer

"[Contraception is] not okay because it’s a license to do things in the sexual realm that is..."

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 17:54:00 -0500

“[Contraception is] not okay because it’s a license to do things in the sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.”

- Rick Santorum

Bypass surgery is not okay because it’s a license to do things in the medical realm that are counter to how things are supposed to be.

Human flight is not okay because it’s a license to do things in the mechanical realm that are counter to how things are supposed to be.

Democracy is not okay because it’s a license to do things in the political realm that are counter to how things are supposed to be.

Salvation is not okay because it’s a license to do things in the spiritual realm that are counter to how things are supposed to be.

Heliocentrism is not okay because it’s a license to do things in the astronomical realm that are counter to how things are supposed to be.

Domestication is not okay because it’s a license to do things in the agricultural realm that are counter to how things are supposed to be.

Combustion is not okay because it’s a license to do things in the industrial realm that are counter to how things are supposed to be.

“Too predictable.”

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 13:30:57 -0500

“Too predictable.”

rachelfershleiser: inothernews: Tumblr makes the front page of today’s New York Post!!! Inside,...

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 13:11:48 -0500

rachelfershleiser:

inothernews:

Tumblr makes the front page of today’s New York Post!!!

Inside, we’re described as an irresponsible liberal slut who had it coming…

^^^^^ +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1

A particular preoccupation:

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 11:48:00 -0500

So the C++ programming language took its name from C, tossing the “++” on to indicate that it was an evolutionary improvement on its predecessor: “++” is C’s increment operator, which simply adds 1 to a numeric variable. C++ was C’s and-one, as it were.

Anyway, it worries me that maybe Kobe Bryant chose #24 because he thought he was like Michael Jordan++.

An open apology to the Pinterest team

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 18:34:00 -0500

An open apology to the Pinterest team:

spiegelman:

Judging by some of the links to pop up on my Internet the past hour or so, this fake Mitt Romney thing is starting to be about Pinterest changing the name of my parody account, and not about the fact that the leading candidate for the Republican nomination for President asked them to dilute…

Man-goes-out-of-his-way-to-be-a-decent-person-on-the-internet insta-reblog.

mydaguerreotypeboyfriend: Johannes Brahms, circa 1853, age 20....

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 09:36:00 -0500

mydaguerreotypeboyfriend:

Johannes Brahms, circa 1853, age 20. Liszt had nothing on this fellow.

Submitted by mrxcitement

MUST CREDIT MATT LANGER DOT COM

placesweusedtogo: youngmegadethite: placesweusedtogo: thedorse...

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 17:25:18 -0500

placesweusedtogo:

youngmegadethite:

placesweusedtogo:

thedorseyshawexperience:

[Animals who think they are people]

It always delights me when the original Stephen Meowlkmus resurfaces on the internet!

hi that’s actually a photo from that shitty show about vampires

It’s a photo of Stephen Meowlkmus and Steve Malkmus. Please don’t make me keep saying it.

Stop, no, don’t toy with me like that.

Top Ten Google Results for "site:thoughtcatalog.com 'full disclosure,'" in Order

Wed, 08 Feb 2012 12:35:00 -0500

10) “Full disclosure: When I was a teenager, I saw Rilo Kiley perform three times.”

9) “Full disclosure: I like The Sun Also Rises and Farewell to Arms a lot.”

8) “Full disclosure: My tummy is a temperamental diva.”

7) “Full disclosure: I have several Soulja Boy songs on [my iPod].”

6) “Full disclosure: All these 20something straight girls talking about their straight sex freak me the fuck out.”

5) “Full disclosure: I work at HowAboutWe.”

4) “Full disclosure: I have been know to DJ! *Cue explosion sounds, airhorns, delayed Jamaican soundbwoy drop*.”

3) “Full disclosure: I don’t even know what I’m going to be.”

2) “Full disclosure: Pretty sure one of my favorite authors is DFW.”

1) “Full disclosure: Lifted this idea from DFW. “

hey who wants to come over and wash some super bowl dishes with...

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 19:04:00 -0500

hey who wants to come over and wash some super bowl dishes with me and then maybe watch “smash” and order take-out and eat it with disposable utensils which under absolutely no circumstances whatsoever will i have to wash. cool. awesome. thx. “ping me.”

just want to look at this forever and ever

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 14:13:47 -0500

just want to look at this forever and ever

So the sad but true story here is that I actually thought up...

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 12:41:00 -0500

So the sad but true story here is that I actually thought up this tweet all the way back during the regular season but I had to wait on it, sitting impatiently week after week in front of my TV throughout the whole postseason yelling “Cruz in the endzone, Cruz in the endzone, NO GODDAMNIT DON’T RUN THE BALL THROW IT TO CRUZ IN THE FUCKING ENDZONE!!!”, and then finally, last night, with my apartment full of twenty of my closest friends, I’m screaming “YOU GUYS, YOU GUYS, I FINALLY GET TO TWEET MY TWEET,” a tweet which, yes, I may just have referred to—in public, out loud, to other people—as quote “my Moby Dick of tweets” unquote.

capitalnewyork: Boston’s morning wood. :) :) :) :D :D :D :D...

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 10:05:27 -0500

capitalnewyork:

Boston’s morning wood.

:) :) :)

:D :D :D :D :D

~<|:-D->——<

Question: is it considered abuse to put black eye paint on a dog...

Sun, 05 Feb 2012 10:21:00 -0500

Question: is it considered abuse to put black eye paint on a dog [y/n]?

mrwrong: TODAY’S HEY SO YESTERDAY DID @chucktodd PREDICT SIX...

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 15:28:51 -0500

mrwrong:

TODAY’S HEY SO YESTERDAY DID @chucktodd PREDICT SIX MORE WEEKS OF WINTER OR WHAT

Tim Tebow Leaves Door Open For Possible Future In...

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 12:57:00 -0500

Tim Tebow Leaves Door Open For Possible Future In Politics

Could the nation’s most promient spokesperson for evangelical Christianity jump in the political fray after he hangs up his cleats? Maybe.

Mike Allen reports on an interview Denver Broncos QB Tim Tebow gave to the Golf Channel set to air tonight:

“I don’t know — it could be something in my future,” Tebow told Golf’s Dave Feherty when asked about a potential future run for office. “If it’s something I care about, possibly.”

zachklein: 100 million pairs of eyes will be on Indiana tomorrow. Stay cool, bros. Yup—and there...

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 12:22:33 -0500

zachklein:

100 million pairs of eyes will be on Indiana tomorrow. Stay cool, bros.

Yup—and there will be protests! So here are a few relevant pre-game primers:

Indiana’s new “right-to-work” law is the legislative equivalent of Michele Bachmann saying hey you know maybe if we just got rid of the minimum wage entirely and let employers pay whatever they wished then everybody would have a job and we’d have zero unemployment!!
The NFL Players Association opposes “right-to-work” legislation.
[Quick style guide note: “Right-to-work” should always be written with scare quotes. Because it’s scary. And also bullshit!]
The NFL and various media conglomerates stand to extract untold amounts of wealth from Sunday’s game, but Indianapolis taxpayers will be left on the hook to the tune of one million dollars.
Fun fact: the NFL is a tax-exempt 501(c)(6), meaning its representatives don’t have to pay certain local food and beverage, fuel, hotel, and other sales taxes that would otherwise help Indianapolis offset the costs of hosting the event.

Ok, sorry, done being a downer. Go occupy your onion dip everybody!

lol cool $3 langer dashboard bomb bro

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 14:55:53 -0500

lol cool $3 langer dashboard bomb bro

WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE: The Gifzette is Dead!

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 11:23:00 -0500

WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE: The Gifzette is Dead!:

Noted New York daily broadsheet to fold after acquisition talks collapsed early this morning with Sam Zell.

Just want Lucia Popp doing this on repeat forever thanks.

Sun, 29 Jan 2012 18:50:45 -0500

Just want Lucia Popp doing this on repeat forever thanks.

"On Jan. 4, The New York Times received a final response from the Defense Department to a FOIA..."

Sun, 29 Jan 2012 10:19:53 -0500

“On Jan. 4, The New York Times received a final response from the Defense Department to a FOIA request made on June 1, 1997. The department sent it by Federal Express, Priority Overnight.”

- Slow Responses Cloud a Window Into Washington